Can a Zombie be cool? Sometimes, I guess.

After attending a Rob Zombie show here in Pittsburgh last Wednesday, I came home and dissed him pretty hard on Facebook. Not because he is a bad performer, no... he is an amazing performance artist. Not because his show was lame, no... it was as high energy as any show I have seen. I dissed Rob because of the music he puts out.

Before the Zombie fanatics come crawling out of their fantasy graves to feast on my inner skull, I would like to give some insight into my bashing.

I know that when it comes to some things I come off as an elitist jerk, and I am sure that is the case in regards to Rob Zombie. I mean no disrespect to Rob as a person or as an artist. I really liked White Zombie back in the day. They were a beach party to me in a sea of grunge era depression.

For those of you who don't know the difference between Rob Zombie and White Zombie, you are not alone I am afraid. I can sum it up in a few words: Groove, Content and Material. You can't fake groove and it is really hard to re-create White Zombie's natural groove with hired guns. They pull it off OK live, but when it comes to the studio material, well, it really is an exaggerated version of Rob's gimmick mixed with what radio friendly White Zombie sorta sounded like.

It's impossible for me to talk about Rob without talking Alice Cooper (his hero and mentor).

Do you remember the time when Alice Cooper was great? Me neither. I was not even born when the classic line up, The Alice Cooper Band, belted out their Detroit fueled burners like "Billion Dollar Babies" and "Elected". The original band tearing shit up was 10+ years dead when I first saw the amazingly raw video for "18" on MTV's Closet Classics.

Alice Cooper broke up the Alice Cooper Band, but he kept the name. He went on to do some decent, yet mostly forgettable Solo LP's in the 70's (my personal fav being "Goes to Hell"), and some awful Platinum selling hair metal LP's in the 80's, and even dabbled in Metal in the 90's, but the fire that was The Alice Cooper Band has never been recaptured on wax. I guess I feel the same way about Rob Zombie.

I am not afraid to admit that I don't like Hellbilly Deluxe. At the time of it's release, I though it was a parody of White Zombie, and I still do today. I realize that Rob did not make that album for me. Rob made that album for 13 year old posers, strippers and meatheads.

• I have nothing against 13 year old posers, strippers or meatheads. I used to be a 13 year old poser.
• I respect Stripping (if you got it, don't mind showing it off and can keep your head on straight, I say "Get that money"). If you are thinking about taking to the stripping pole, then I strongly suggest dancing to anything by Rob Zombie. I saw it the other night, chicks like gettin' low and dirty to Rob Zombie. Half of that crowd were women, and half of them were dancing like it was their last chance to get their white girl moves on.
• Meatheads, well somebody has to make me feel smart, right? You get no hate from me, it's not your fault your parents weren't very cool.

My wife and I were on the floor, about 7 or 8 rows from the stage, talking openly about what we thought Rob would play. When we got through the 4 songs we could name we were laughing about how unmemorable and sound alike most of Robs music is, and his constant use of the word "YEAH" (seriously....Rob, every sentence does not have to end with the word "Yeah"). Based on the look of shock I got from the kid standing next to me, I realized that this was not the forum for such banter. Once Rob started playing, this young man started jumping up and down like a retarded bunny. It was quite funny, but as an old dude, I had to retreat to calmer waters by the third song to avoid a severe case of the Imgonnafuckhisshitup's, a medical condition that creates a violent reaction in old dudes like me.

We found ourselves ready to leave shortly after Rob split the venue in two for some audience participation. Half the crowd was told to scream "Rock", and the other half "Motherfucker". I am not sure if anyone really bought that. It was a little embarrassing for him. I found myself thinking "Dude, play your hits", but then he played the song "Sick Bubblegum" that included the chant "Rock Motherfucker"... Who knew? Certainly not me. Was that a hit?

We did leave early, but I have been known to do that to avoid traffic. I have to say it again, Rob is a fantastic performer with a high energy show. The actual show was very cool despite his cheesiness, his music is just not my thing. That said I saw a video posted of my bro's local cover band playing Superbeast yesterday, and it rocked. They played it with so well that for a second I thought maybe Rob is just over my head or under my radar.....................But then I remembered the animated movie "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto", and thought, "nope". Rob is lucky to have a band of that caliper cover that song.

Torture-porn/Slasher film Rob: I think Rob is amazing. He somehow got House of 1000 Corpses made, same with that his disturbing movies The Devil Rejects and the Halloween re-makes. Can you imagine that sales pitch: "yeah, so its kinda like every other slasher movie from the '70's, only gorier". He helped launch the current Torture-Porn trend and he might actually transcend it at some point. I look forward to someday seeing his movie equivalent to the album Educated Horses.

Wow... I just read through this blog, and I realize that I do sound like an elitist jerk. For that I can only say this: keep doing what you do, Rob. I am the ultimate love/hate fan. I like your live action movies, hate your animated movie, like White Zombie and hate your solo work.  I also love your commentary on Sam Dunn projects. The quote "I'd like to meet the guy who says : I remember that one summer when I was into Slayer" is worth watching the entire movie "A Headbanger's Journey".

Lastly, I dig the Zombie persona. You look way cool and I dig theatrics.

Here is some classic White Zombie to bob your head to:

Dig through the ditches and Nerd through the witches

Big Mega History... The where's and whens.

May 16th will mark the 8th time I have seen Megadeth live. That is kind of crazy. It is also over a 20+ year span, so it is not like I followed them Grateful Dead style. To tell you the honest to god truth, they really aren't that great live, or maybe it's better to say that they are not very animated, and Dave's voice is pretty much shot at this point. BUT for me, being at a Megadeth concert is more than going to see an amazing live show, it is about celebrating the band that helped mold me and supporting a hero of mine.

I often say that I don't get star struck, and that is mostly true. Once at the Airport, directly behind me on the escalator, was Hines Ward. I was completely tongue tied as I stared directly at him. Angi and I both did not know what to say, and I honestly think that was the only time I can remember being absolutely wordless in someones presence. So maybe I was star struck, but I think maybe I was just shocked to see him that close up. All I kept thinking was "damn, that phucker is small in person" and "wow, that is a big diamond earring".

One of my music heros was eating at the same local bar Angi and I were at before a concert one night, and I just let him eat. I kind of regret that now, because I may not ever get the opportunity to thank him or just let him know how much his music means to me, but at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. Mikael Akerfeldt, if I ever get the opportunity to meet you again, I am going to make you sign my frontal lobe.

My point.... If Dave Mustaine and I ever met, I am sure I would go directly into idiot mode and trip over my tongue. Dave is the exception to my "starstruck" rule. That dude is a demi-god to me. I would feel like a 3rd grade math teacher waxing poetic with T S Eliot.

Nice intro, eh?

The meek shall inherit the earth....Big Time.

Hate is a strong word.....I hate your group.

In searching for tickets to see Rush recently, I was annoyingly re-directed to a group called Big Time Rush on more than one ticket search engine. I was shocked to see that this flavor of the millisecond group existed, but even more shocked to see that they were selling out arenas. That's right, arenas.

Far be it from me to deprive teenage girls of their poster fodder, but in the back of my head I am thinking that for every 12 year old girl screaming bloody hell for some fantasy figure in her pinkest dream, there is probably some shitty AC/DC fan guy standing next to her. This dude is ready to deny that he was there with his crazy daughter, BUT he is a hella "dad of the year" for stomaching a torture worse than water boarding.

Best part: Floor seats are $65.00 before service fees. Poor bastard, shelling out at least $150.00 for that crap. Worse yet, he probably has to buy a t-shirt, a snap bracelet, and a hoodie on his way out, not to mention ice cream afterward. He might as well take $250.00 and light it on fire, because his lovely daughter will be into goth next year.

Big Time Rush.... That is some funny shit. Had I actually kept up with every "boy band" since NKOTB, I would take the 2 days I would need to list them all on a 30 page blog. However, I can't even begin to know much about that trend at all. Sure, there are the survivors: Mark Wahlberg and Justin Timberlake (no problem finding careers after boy band roots), but the vast majority of these dudes end up on smack after their short 10 seconds of fame, so why bother learning their names?

We are all guilty of liking some crap at one time or another (I had a White Lion T-Shirt when I was 14), but this pre-packaged Nickelodeon stuff totally escapes me, save Yo Gabba Gabba ('cause I dig that show).



In case you were wondering, I successfully scored Rush tickets (Section 101, Row Q, Seats 1 and 2).

So I leave you with some classic Rush:

The nerd is, the nerd is - Love and life are deep
Maybe as his skies are wide

Quit dissin the Purple people.

How the hell is Deep Purple not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

I'll go one step further: They have never even been nominated. That's right, not even once.

Before I digress into how Rush has also never been nominated, or how Kiss gets shunned every year, I want to focus on Deep Purple.

I'll start by losing focus and listing some of the many artists that ARE in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

Beastie Boys - 2012
Red Hot Chili Peppers - 2012
Guns and Roses - 2012
ABBA - 2010
Metallica -2009
Run DMC - 2009
Madonna - 2008
John Melloncamp - 2008
Grand Master Flash -2007
REM - 2007
Patti Smith Group - 2007
Van Halen - 2007
Sex Pistols - 2006
Blondie - 2006
Lynyrd Skynyrd - 2006
Pretenders - 2005
U2 - 2005
Prince - 2004
AC/DC - 2003
The Clash - 2003
Tom Petty - 2002
Talking Heads - 2002
Ramones - 2002
Aerosmith - 2001
Queen - 2001
Michael Jackson - 2001
Earth Wind and Fire - 2000
and so on........

I mention the above artists for various reasons, some because they are technically not Rock and Roll of any kind, some because they were influenced by Deep Purple, some because they have no reason being in before Purple, but all because Deep Purple predates them...

Building a case:

• Exhibit A: Smoke on the Water

Deep Purple should be in the hall of fame on the back of Smoke on the Water alone. That song was the first riff ever played by MILLIONS of souls driven to play guitar. It is one of the most recognizable riffs ever created.

Smoke on the water holds a Guinness World Record for the most guitarists playing at one time (or something like that) and has actually broken the record 3 times since setting it in 1994. The most recent was in 2009 in Wroclaw Poland, when 6,346 guitar players gathered to play the song together.

The song itself was a pretty basic 4 note blues riff that Ritchie Blackmore (writer - guitar player) has dissed as "too commercial". I guess the commercial appeal of the song speaks for itself.

Released on the bands LP, Machine Head in 1972, and as a single in 1973, the song reached # 4 in the States, #2 in Canada, #21 in the UK and #20 in Germany.... Not to shabby.

• Exhibit B: Machine Head

One of the most beloved early metal/classic rock albums of all time, it reached # 7 in the Billboard LP Charts, and stayed in the top 200 for 118 weeks after it's release in 1972.

This gem features Smoke On the Water, Highway Star and Space Truckin'. 3 Staples of Rock music that define an era.

It is the 3rd album of the MK 2 version of the band, which could arguably be the version that gets into the House that Rock Built with no resistance.

• Exhibit C: Eligibility

Deep Purple released it's first LP in July 1968 making them eligible for nomination in 1993 (25 years after the release of their 1st album as according to the Hall of Fame guidelines).

• Exhibit D: Ritchie Blackmore

This man invented neo-classical modern rock guitar, period. When Clapton and Page were wanking to Robert Johnson, Blackmore was studying Beethoven. His playing inspired millions. His style was imitated by the likes of everyone from Uli Jon Roth to Malmsteen to basically everyone in Modern Prog music, especially of the Scandinavian variety.

Oh yeah, he wrote the most Iconic rock riff of all time.

Blackmore led Purple to heights most bands never will see, including co-headlining the Cal Jam in 1974 to 400,000 fans.

Acts that performed at the '74 Cal Jam in order of appearance:

• Rare Earth
• Earth, Wind & Fire
• Eagles
• Seals & Crofts
• Black Oak Arkansas
• Black Sabbath
• Deep Purple
• Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Every one of these bands should be in the hall for playing to 400,000 fans at one time in 1974. Call it the "Holy Shit" award or something. To date, only Earth Wind & Fire, Eagles and Black Sabbath are in the Hall of Fame.

Cal Jam may get it's own blog soon. I would love to find footage of Seals & Croft singing "Summer Breeze" to 1/2 million Sabbath fans.

If you find the YouTube bootleg footage of the GnR RnR HoF induction speech, Steven Adler actually calls out the Hall for not inducting Purple. That part of the speech was edited out of the HBO version. The executive producer was JannWenner. No surprise there, you elitist pig.

I would actually make the argument that Ritchie Blackmore could be in the Hall of Fame on his name alone.

The fact that this band has been ignored is stupid. Jann Warner, you are an asshole. Not only does Purple belong, they helped make Rock and Roll a respected art form. They brought classical music to Rock (with all due respect to Beatles producer George Martin's solo in "In My Life").

Just to recap..... Deep Purple is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. WHAT????

Until next blog.

Nerdin' at your back door.

Everything fits at Paul's Boutique

Kinda bummed about the passing of MCA. I knew he had cancer, I noticed he missed the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, but I couldn't buy into a world without the Beastie Boys, so I did not research how bad he was.

Beastie Boys came along when I was pretty young and impressionable, but I honestly didn't think that highly of License to Ill when I was 12. It was too radio cheesy and I always felt like it was missing music or something. I understand how ground breaking that LP was, but it was not my cup of tea back then (still isn't).

My love of the Beasties came along later.  It wasn't until 1994 that I took notice of a matured, grown up Beastie Boys taking their game to the next level. I loved what I heard and I respected what they became. What I didn't know at the time is that while I was by ignoring them, they had already released what has grown to become my favorite Beastie Boys LP, 5 years before 1994's Ill Communication took the world.

Very few bands can transcend their roots they way they did. The Beastie Boys can be as Hip Hop as they want, and they still get new rock radio cred. High schoolers (the cool ones) love them, college kids love them, old dudes (like me) love them, the old school hip-hop crew gives them a nod and just about every walk of life has some Beastie in it. Their influence goes beyond music with their charitable work and work in independent film and directing (all championed by MCA).

Timing is everything. The Beastie Boys hit it out of the park at least twice in regards to timing. 1986 and 1994 cemented their superstardom. Timing could not be any more perfect then the two respective LP's released those years. License to Ill and Ill Communication cemented them as legends.

For just a minute however, I want to focus on their 2nd album, 1989's Paul's Boutique. It's brilliant. Maybe not their best work in everyone's opinion, but hands down my favorite. It was released at a time when sampling was done without regard to artistry, but the Beasties and the Dust Brothers made it an art form all it's own. Beyond that, the record is witty, fun, and for me a true classic. One of my top 10? If not, it's close to it. Definitely my favorite hip-hop album of all time.

Now I know what you are thinking, who the hell am I to judge a hip-hop album? I eat what I like, that's how. I know enough to be dangerous. I may seem like a poser to the rap purist, but like I said, Beastie Boys transcended it ten-fold, so sit on it Potsy.

Besides that, the album has grown legs since 1989, and has become a critic favorite despite the original lack of sales (like 2M copies is a flop!). For that reason, it is really special because I rarely agree with critics (at least the ones gettin' paid).

I discovered the Paul's Boutique 10 years after it's release, and I go to it frequently. It's fresh, it is the height of sampling, something that was never duplicated again due to lawsuites. But it is cohesive in a way that every great album should be, and time passes quickly when you are lost in this gem.

So I leave this blog with a song in honor of Adam Yauch from an album that has stuck with me for many years. RIP my friend. You were an original.

You got to fight, for your right, to nerd.

A.D.H.D. and the Beatles

I am thinking about the Beatles this morning. Not sure why...just am.

Thinking about Julian and how he struggled with his fathers dynasty until the day Yoko finally settled and gave him some cash...

Thinking about the Wings song Jet and wondering how it relates to John, because it supposedly is some sort of slam against him.

Thinking about how my Grandpap once told me that everything was fine until those damn Beatles came over.

Thinking about how the Beatles children are rumored to be starting a band, wondering if they will be brilliant, and if they are, will 2012 Mike be able to recognize it?

I should be planning my day.... Stupid Beatles.

I am a nerd.... goo goo g'joob.