All I wanna do is have a one nighter with Ann Wilson, or is it Nancy?

Every now and then you hear a song that makes you think, "Damn that's bad, really bad", which leads me to question: why is it that the worst of the bunch will stay with you for a lifetime whether you like it or not. Why is it, that, in the middle of the night, when you wake up to pee, some stupid melody or riff is playing out in your mind? Why, when you are stuck on Peach Street at 7:30 AM, is a bad melody surfacing to your lips so steadfast that you feel forced to whistle its awfulness?

Recently, a song has been stuck in my head, and all I want to do is get it surgically removed (the song, not my head). It is so bad that even after 20+ years, it still has me dumbfounded about it's dumbness. A song so bad, that I must spend a few short minutes dissecting it via blog.

So without further ado, I give you a study into one the worst songs of all time, that steamy pile of crap "All I wanna Do is Make Love to You" by the one and only Heart.

It pains me to tear this song apart, it really does. Ann and Nancy Wilson deserve a lifetime achievement award for 1976's Dreamboat Annie, more on that later...

Lets start with the video:

It gets me every time. A story about a young lady picking up a hitchhiker, never asking him his name, taking him to a hotel and banging the bejesus out of him. They used no protection and she gets pregnant. We find out later that her and her husband (someone she loves dearly) could not conceive without the seed of this nameless stranger, so it's all good.

Oh, but wait.... Then it happened one day, they came 'round the same way. Dude was shocked to see the resemblance and recognised this lovechild as his creation. So she begs him to be cool about it?

Now, I don't know about you, but this scenario is unrealistic in that most shitty dudes would be like "yeah, cool, c-ya", and walk away thinking "whew, I dodged that bullet". I mean, lets face it, if this guy was "standing by the road with no umbrella and no coat" in the rain, he was probably a winner, right? How did he get there? What is the back story?

And therein lies the problem. There are too many holes in this story.

If the whole thing was not weird enough already, Ann takes it one step further. In an effort to emphasize how good the lovemaking was, she claims "He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily". Dude, that is just way too much information for a 1990's top 40 smash hit. And I love that she left him a note that said "we walked in the garden, we planted a tree". What the hell kind of innuendo is that anyway?

She is lucky that all she got was pregnant. They probably cut the HPV verse out of the song.

One more thing: Nancy wanking her guitar in the video, is funny shit.

On to the wic-wic-wiki.

No surprise here: Mutt Lang wrote this pitiful excuse for bim. Heart has since disowned it saying that it was too commercial, and they did not want to do it (but they probably didn't mind cashing the checks, nah-mean?).

Here's something interesting that was news to me: It is a cover song of another bad song, well sort of:

Turns out Mutt Lang wrote this duck for Don Henley in 1979, but Henley turned him down (gee, why?). So Dobie stepped up to the plate and knocked it out of the park. Proof that you can't shine a turd? Yes, I think so.

Mutt recovered from this fail nicely. He went on to record such classics as Back in Black, Pyromania and Foreigner 4. Still, his melody from the '70's lingered until he forced the Wilson sisters to re-record it with new lyrics. Whooptie-flippin-do.

All of this is great, but why has this song been wedged in Nago's head? It may be because of my Broseph, Base,who  keeps sending me texts with lyrics to this gem. Here's how it usually goes:

• Go into office
• fire up e-mail
• check phone
• read messages
• first message says: Image his surprise, when he saw his own eyes. 
• forward message to family
• move on with day  

I love my friends. They keep me grounded. lol.

I just can't leave it on this note.... Here is "Crazy on You" to wash that crappy taste out of your mouth. Why can't this be stuck in my head in traffic?

Nago 




All I wanna do is make nerds with you.

My Name is not Prince - and I am not Funky

Tonight I am going to dip my pen in a topic near and dear to Nago... What in the hell happened to Prince?

I watched him on the tele presenting at the Grammy's last night. He looked good for a man his age. Honestly, he looked good for a person of my sons age.  Dude just doesn't age physically.

I remember the last time I saw Prince kill it. He played lead on My Guitar Gently Weeps at George Harrison's Solo induction at the R&RHOF induction ceremony in 2004 (9 years ago for those keeping score). His playing starts at 3:28, and it is great. So much vibrato in his right hand...

That performance justified what I had said since 1984, that Prince was underrated on guitar.

Before you say it, yes, I saw him perform at the Superbowl a few years ago. I guess it was controversial, but to me it seemed so staged and un-geniune (unlike his performance above).

Disclaimer: I am now, and forever will be, a Metalhead. I know...I know... Metalhead? Nago Blogs bout classic rock, he records acoustic albums and is a sucker for Bad Religion. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT PRINCE!!! How in any light is Nago a Metalhead?

It's easy folks... I am smarter than the Chris Brown / Beyonce / Katy Perry crowd. That's right, SMARTER! Anyone who ingests that crap with conviction is dumb. It is throw away rubbish.

My son, Mocha, thinks that my musical taste is very European. I tend to agree, at least when it pertains to modern music. I love Opeth and I love the Beatles. If you can't make the connection, then you are the one with an issue, not me.

However, I like to think that I can recognise true talent when it does a split in white leather pants right in front of me. Prince was the phucking King. I thought he was just as good as Michael in 1984, and better post Thriller. Until he got weird. Neigh, he got really weird... Not LAPD strip search weird, but weird none the less.

Before I go there, I want to go to the goods. The best in fact:

Purple Rain is a true classic. There is so much emotion in that song that it bleeds with raw intensity. Everything about it is perfect. As a matter of fact, the whole album is (almost) perfect. The movie adaptation is not the worst movie ever either (anyone who has seen "Streets of Fire" can vouch for it's cred as "not the worst"). It is a period piece that is somewhat self indulgent, but Morris Day and the Time are in the house!!!

  

Oh, but I dare go deeper than that... I love "When Doves Cry" and "I would Die 4 U", but in truth, that whole LP is a not-so-guilty pleasure for me. I really do hold it in high regard. I actually sampled it in 2008 for the song "Barstool". All of the nicks and pops on the track came from my Purple Rain LP. We recorded the scratches organically in the studio on an old school portable record player. The scratches were gained over time, and Prince has no right to them, lol.

 





So, beyond the Purple Rain brilliance, there was "Under the Cherry Moon". Raspberry Beret was likable, but not brilliant. I did really like the "You Need Another Lover, Like you Need a Hole in Your Head" jammie, but it was still not brilliant.

To be fair, Prince made a few top 10 hits in and after the Cherry Moon era:

• Kiss - No. 1 - 1986
• U Got the Look - No. 2 - 1985
• Sign of the times - No. 3 - 1987
• Alphabet St. - No. 8 - 1988 (seriously???)
• I Could Never Take the Place of your Man - No. 10 - 1988
• Batdance - No. 1 - 1989 (can't make this shit up)
• Cream - No. 1 - 1991 (get on top - bitches)
• 7 - No. 7 - 1993 (So ironic - so good)
• The Most Beautiful Girl in The World - No. 3 - 1994 (I have sung this to every one of my neices since)

So there it is. A decade of art that is stupidly effin influential, and it does not even include the 1999 era (anyone remember Little Red Corvette???).

I was unfortunate enough to give Prince too much credit after 1994. I actually bought 1996's "The Gold Experience". What a piece of total garbage.

So answer me this... At what point does an artist lose all sense on melody, artistry, touch and responsibility?

Many have recovered. Sir Paul put out some ducks in the early 1970's (and even in the 1980's - Spies Like Us), but recovered to give us classics like "Live and Let Die".  

We want to love you bro, we really do. Gotye AND Kimbra praised you last night. I was like "Oh snap, It's Prince.... Hell Yeah!", but then I remembered how disappointed in you I am.

Prince, I beg you... Please rock again. Re-hire the Revolution. I'll even take the New Power Generation, they kind of owned... HOWEVER.. Prince took all of his material off of the Internet, thus - no Prince + NPG video to enjoy, which kind of bums me out.

PLEASE DO SOMETHING AWESOME!!!!! Please, at least phone one in for me.

Until then, I leave you with the absolute perfect package.... Ani DiFranco singing "When Doves Cry"

This is what it sounds like, when nerds cry..





Hey, Ho...NAGO.

Up until I was 16, I thought the Ramones were a joke. Seriously, I was too metal to understand the appeal until then. As fate would have it, I was fortunate enough to be a roadie for a local DJ part time in my youth. Which, in a way, helped convert me into a faithful Ramones fanboy.

DJ-ing was a family thing (my mother, Elly, was a DJ), and I did not mind tagging along, especially if the gig was destined to be a good time. Rules: School Dances were always fun, outdoor gigs (regardless of the event) were usually cool, but I kind of hated traditional weddings. I have seen one too many dollar dances to really give a shit.

I actually DJ'd one gig on my own at the Seibenbuerger Club when I was 20. I blew. But I digress....

One night, at age 16 (1991 for those keeping score), I was offered the roadie gig for an event at the Pitt campus in Titusville. Never one to turn down money, I accepted. So we loaded up the blue Caravan and headed to the venue.

I remember it like it was yesterday: a Social Hall with horrible acoustics, filled with students requesting off the wall shit like Bob Dylan. I realized early that we were out of familiar territory... Elly was a wedding/dance DJ, and supplied the educated youth with ample amounts of Technotronic despite their cries for the artsy fartsy.

Now, even though the awkward requests from the college crowd had no place at a traditional dance, Elly, always the professional, did her best to appease them. One tune they all wanted to hear was "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones. When Elly spinned that record, I shit you not, the place erupted into a fever pitch of excitement. People were bouncing like a room full of retarded rabbits. Then all of a sudden, a human train erupted. It was a weird but wondrous moment that left an impression on the young Nago.
A hundred kids jumping around to a song by the Ramones? Whats up with that? 

I am sure the rest of the dance sucked.

After we got got back to Old Wattsburg Road later that evening, I took Elly's Ramones Mania CD from her case. I spun it a few times, and felt nothing. A few more spins yielded the same result. It took some time for the brilliance of the remedial NYC punkers to slowly seep into my consciousness.

Fast forward a few years. The hair was gone, the scene had changed and Nago was an impressionable mind absorbing all that he could. It was prime time for a Ramones revival. I remembered the experience at the dance at BFE Pitt Campus and started a Napster/Ramones download frenzy that included some seriously obscure stuff at the time (including the non-released "Carbona Not Glue" - which is still one of my favorites).

Honestly though, "Blitzkrieg Bob" was the gateway drug. I still love it.

I could go on all night about the Ramones, but I won't. I will say this, I love music that is equal parts sad and upbeat. "The KKK Took My Baby Away" is perfect for this reason. Joey's girlfriend split to marry his guitar player, Johnny. The two never were the same afterward. Johnny was a huge conservative, hence, Joey's metaphorical lyric, which to me was equal parts sad and beautiful in expressing his depression regarding the loss of his love to his partner and friend.

Also, anyone that can wax about the simplicity of horror with a lyric like : "Hey Daddy-o, I don't wanna go down to the basement, there's something down there", deserves a slow clap by everyone that gets it.

 

One more note: "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" is one of the best Rock and Roll songs ever written. It is right up there with Peggy Sue and Hound Dog. The Ramones studio version is not available on YouTube, so deal with the cover (which still kicks ass).

RIP:
Joey:        1951 to 2001 (Lymphoma)
Dee Dee: 1951 - 2002 (Heroin overdose)
Johnny:    1948 - 2004 (Prostate Cancer)

It is pretty sad that one of the most influential bands of all time had 3/4 of its original members die within 3 years of each other. This is especially tragic considering the band started in 1974 and disbanded in 1996.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramones


Nerds can hitch a ride to rock away beach...

12 Cassette Tapes for a Penny.... (+1.98 Shipping).

Oh, Columbia House and BMG. How I screwed you when I was a teenager. I must have cashed that little deal in twice with each new Address we moved to. It was mail order Napster for me.

You see, I am blessed with many names John, Mike, Michael, John Michael and more, all used to fill my cart with wares from Mail Order Clubs offering free (to me) music.

For those who don't remember this amazing deal, it was promoted in every newspaper and magazine in the country. You send them a penny, they send you 12 Cassettes or 8 CD's, and you commit to buying a few tapes for full price later. Best part, they billed you for the shipping.

Sound too good to be true? It was. They call it negative option billing and it's kind of dirty, unless you stuck it to them like I did. Karma is a bitch, Columbia House.

Downside was that they had a limited selection of music, but to me, free was free. I would just have to suffer through Van Halen's 5150 (which I actually really love) if they didn't have VH-II. At very least, it was another tape for the case.

Even better yet, they sent you a catalog each month, and if you did not send the order card back with a "no thank you, not this month" box checked , they sent you "their pick" automatically at some premium rate. I think I ended up with a Krokus tape because of not returning the card (ironically titled "Change of Address"). Just another freebie to me....

The little thief Nago's music snatching was not exclusive to mail order clubs. One afternoon, K-Mart begged me to steal a Cinderella tape, how could I resist? However, the easiest pickings were at Murphys in the mall. Unfortunately, you had to steal from the "Bargain Bin". Hence, in 1986, I had a Nazareth tape.

I must admit that my catholic guilt was in full swing when it came time to steal from retail, and I really didn't like doing it. At some point I gave it up for mail order thievery exclusively.

I am not saying I feel good about any of this and I am definately am not proud of it. I only hope that some executive from Columbia House is not reading this and selling my name to a collection agency... However, if footage exists of a pre-teen Nago stealing tapes from the mall, I WOULD PAY TO SEE IT!!!!

I am sitting here trying to remember the Tapes I got on my first go around. There was some complete crap there, I'm sure. In my defense, I was 12 years old.

I think maybe the list included:

• Van Halen - 5150
• Heart - Heart
• Bryan Adams - Reckless
• Ratt - Dancing Undercover
• Foreigner - Agent Provocateur?
• Less than Zero Soundtrack?
• Something by Petra?
• Grim Reaper - See you in Hell?

OK, I am positive on the VH, Ratt, Bryan Adams and Heart. The rest were definitely in my tape case, but I don't remember if they came from Columbia House or not.

Conclusion: There is no point to this blog what-so-ever other than puking out random memories. The real story is in the link below thanks to the professionals at Mental Floss. I wasted your time, and you're welcome...

For the dirty details on Negative Option Billing and Columbia House, check out the article in the link:
http://mentalfloss.com/article/28036/its-steal-how-columbia-house-made-money-giving-away-music



Around the world, or around the block. Everywhere I go, the nerds wanna rock.

Welching out on a legacy.

I promise I will not spend the rest of my blogging days bitching about the house that rock built, but I read something pretty disturbing today that made me quite mad.

Bob Welch is not in the rock and roll hall of fame.

Before you say "who?", "so what", or something else dismissive, know this: It may be the single biggest travesty in the history of that dipped in shit and steamrolled institution, maybe even bigger than dissin' Kiss.

Bob Welch carried Fleetwood Mac through 4 years of changing times, aka "The Bridge Period". This is the time after Peter Green and before Lindsey/Stevie, or 1970 - 1975. He maintained the brand to the best of his ability despite the ego's that made up the 'Mac, and in a way, dude kind of rocked.

Right now I am listening to the 'Mac's Bare Trees album, thinking about how killer it is, and being dumbfounded by this snub...

Fleetwood Mac was inducted in 1998.

Mac Members in the Hall?

• Peter Green - Duh... He is the shit of the shit.
• Jeremy Spencer - Ok... He was there with Pete. I give him that.
• Danny Kirwan - Yes... Hell yes. Albatross is bitchin, he was a great second fiddle to Peter.
• Mick Fleetwood - One of the most underrated rock drummers ever.
• John McVie - Bass line in "the Chain" enough justification for you?
• Christine McVie - She made lovin fun, didn't she?
• Stevie Nicks - I believe It could have worked had we had a chance...her loss I guess.
• Lindsey Buckingham - So amazing. I love his playing.

Criteria to be nominated for the R&RHOF? You must have played on a major label studio LP. Bob should be in on that fact alone. In fact, he played on 5 Fleetwood Mac albums. Consider this also: his last official FM record, Heros are Hard to Find, broke US top 40 Billboard Charts.

 Copied from Wiki:

Date	Album	US	UK	Additional information
September 3, 1971	Future Games	91	–	Debut album with Fleetwood Mac
March 1972	Bare Trees	70	–	Features the original recording of "Sentimental Lady"
March 1973	Penguin	49	–	–
October 15, 1973	Mystery to Me	68	–	Features "Hypnotized", written by Welch
September 13, 1974	Heroes Are Hard to Find	34	–	Welch quit Fleetwood Mac after this album
November 24, 1992	25 Years – The Chain	34	–	Compilation

He ran the band with Mick. He moved them to California. His Fleetwood LP's sold over 2 Million copies. He was also a platinum selling solo artist in the late '70's, and just for good measure, he fronted the criminally unknown band PARIS (which rocks my face off and just plain rules).

Bob's legacy is recorded, yet not carved in stone. I love/hate you hall of fame, but today I just hate you. They say it was his California style that got him the snub or possibly the lawsuit he had against his former band, who knows? Everybody sues eveybody in the music biz, right? Big deal. It is no reason to leave him out of the history books.

Sadly, Bob Welch committed suicide last year. He was struggling with chronic pain resulting from spinal surgery, and did not want to be a burden to his wife of 27 years. Rest in peace my brother.

They need to induct him posthumously. No fanfare is necessary, just his name on the wall alongside Peter Green's. It's the right thing to do.

 

Others not included in the hall despite there contributions to inducted artists:

Mark Evans
Bass; AC/DC; 1975 to 1977

• TNT
• High Voltage
• Dirty Deeds
• Let there be Rock
• '74 Jailbreak

What a bunch of dicks.... This guy should be in.


Dave Navarro
Guitar; Red Hot Chili Peppers; 1993 to 1998

• One Hot Minute
• Various Soundtracks

I am no Navarro fan outside of Jane's Addiction, but he was another bridge guy that got the shaft by the hall. That record sold 8 million copies.


Dave Mustaine
Guitar; Metallica; 1982 - 1983

• No Life 'Till Leather (demo)

Ok... I know... It was a demo, not a studio LP. I get it. I could go on about how he wrote material that appeared on the first two LP's. I could say that Dave was Metallica early on. Dave believes that one day his other band, Megadeth will get in. I am not convinced of that, but he is a legend that should be preserved, with Metallica. 'Nuff said.

There's more I am sure. Like the dude that replaced Joe in Aerosmith for an album, the Firm drummer that was in ACDC for 2 studio albums and a live LP, Mike Watt for being the man in the van with the bass in his hand (and a member of the Stooges), Richie Ramone and so on. These guys deserve better.




Should I tell you about my life? They say I'm a nerd of the world.

A.D.H.D. and the Beatles: Part 2

Earliest coagulated memory of the Beatles for me? I almost hate to admit this, but although I had heard their music since the womb (my mother is an admitted Mop Top fan),  I can honestly say that Mork and Mindy had something to do with it.

That's right, Robin Williams and that Pam Dawber creep into my Beatles Fanboy memory...in the form of a montage. Yup, I can say with 80% confidence that there was a montage of Mork and Mindy done to the tune of "Yesterday" somewhere in the shows history. I was 6 to 8 years old when I saw it, but I knew it was the Beatles (through osmosis I guess).

I looked on YouTube and could not find the clip, which bums me out, but not enough to stop this blog. Enjoy the following anyway:

My second (and more palatable) encounter with Beatles fandom? I was barely 11 years old when I bought a compilation tape from Millcreek Mall McCory's bargain bin called "Beatles Hits Volume 2"(or some shit like that). I was with a foster family at the time, and my foster parents giggled at me for actually being interested in the Beatles. To be fair, I remember being infatuated by the fact that Paul McCartney wrote the song Helter Skelter, as I was a freshly minted Motley Crue poser at that time.

The cassette blew me away... Back in the USSR was the bomb for me back then. Unfortunately, I was also into Dokken, so take that for what it is worth... (and F-U 'cause Tooth and Nail owns, and George Lynch is a beast).

I bring all of this up because I am feeling especially connected to George Harrison today. Hare Krishna bitches....

I should be sleeping, but instead I am thinking about you....stupid Beatles.





Whatever happened to, the nerd that we once knew? Can we really live without each other?

Morrison's Hotel is dumpy, but do stop for a drink.

Sorry if the title offends. VH1 Classic is doing some Doors thing today in honor of Jim's Birthday, and I am too much of a nerd to not weigh in. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a very big Doors fan. I share the opinion that the best thing that happened to them was Jim dieing before his time, making himself a martyr and the rest of the Doors rich (with all due respect to the dead, of course).

I take issue with Jim's psycho babble "poetry". I mean, Street Pizza?, c'mon people.

Jim was stoned. I bet you came up with some far out shit when you were high too. The crystal ship...man...think about it bro....far out.

As far as Jim's legendary status goes, I get it. It's a good story. But I am older now, and I realize that a drunken stoned idiot, regardless of his stardom, is still a drunken stoned idiot. Be that as it may we still idolize stars like Jim, and when they slip up, we crush them with gossip columns and TV coverage, then we move on to the next clown.

Can you imagine Jim Morrison with a Twitter account?

Don't get me wrong, The Doors were a popular band and deservedly so. I don't think they were a fluke. My biggest problem with the Doors is the over saturation of that damn organ and the drawn out songs. I want to shoot the unknown soldier myself by the time that song is all over. It is just awful.

HOWEVER: When that band put down the pipe, picked up some beer and upped the tempo, they were awesome.

Peace Frog: This song shows the Doors rocking. Over the years it has grown some teeth with the dreaded "rock radio" programmers club, but rightfully so. It rocks.

Roadhouse Blues: I have a soft spot for this tune due to a resurgence of it's popularity when I was a teenager. That said it is a shining example of how good the Doors really were.

LA Woman: If any song is worth the hype, it's LA Woman. Like it or not, it is great vinyl for it's time.

If a Doors LP would would find it's way into my collection, it would probably be LA Woman. Riders on the Storm (side 2, track 5) is worth the purchase all by itself, even if it is over my head lyrically.

One final note: The Doors are an aquired taste, and with any aquired taste, you have to pick and choose what you like about it. Door's fans (past, present and future) who buy completely in? I say good for you for being left of the dial. I would not want a world without variety. Just be safe with your intake.






When the music's over, nerd out the lights...