Vulcan Immigration Reform

Remember at the end of the Lord of the Rings when all of the elves and Bilbo left middle-earth in the boat never to return? I'm totally thinking that they went to Vulcan.

That's right. I'm saying it right here and now. Vulcans are really elves. I mean, come on, there are too many similarities to be ignored. They have magic, they are logical and they have pointy ears.

Saying that the elves immigrated to Vulcan at some point is perfectly logical to me. What confuses me are the Elves at the North Pole.

I have a theory on them as well.

Bilbo left with the elves, there is no question of that. We also know that elves can breed with humans. It's safe to say they can breed with Hobbits also.

Bilbo impreganted an elf. That must be what happened. The species that resulted from this elf / hobbit hybred didn't fit in on Vulcan, and were banished into slavery to Santa Clause, who is also Vulcan, but insane (the jolly old elf). 

They now exclusively assist with the making of toys to give to children on the winter solstice, and the bad ones are sent to the mines to gather coal. Both of which are illogical for pure bred Vulcan Elves, but perfect for Hobbit hybrids, or as they are referred to on Vulcan "little elves".

Need more proof? Spock singing the Bilbo Baggins song in the car commercial. Point, set, match.

As far as the Keebler Elves, well, they don't really exist. Those cookies are made in a factory. Don't be dumb.

One last thing: Spock isn't dead. His essence is in McCoys head and his childhood body is on Genesis. Everybody knows that.

RIP Leonard.

Nago

You never give me your money.

I was reading some guy from Testaments article on blabbermouth today about how broke he is, and got to thinking about how these guys make their money.

Truth is, most of them don't. 

A very close friend of mine is a drummer in a Post-Zep-ish band that tours the world and is very well known. They don't make any money. It's literally less then minimum wage. This same person played with a progressive death band, also very popular, that toured the world over, played Waken and other festivals, and didn't make any money. My friend gets his cash from day jobs during his off time from touring cycles, and also as a hired gun for other bands in need of a very talented musician.

Granted, even though both bands are great, neither were of a Slayer status. But wait, Dave Lombardo came out and said they he was barely grinding out a living playing with Slayer. Fucking Slayer is poor! Wow.

That lifestyle is fine if you're young and have no responsibility, but eventually, no matter who you are, that stage of life ends and money becomes important. 

We know that no one makes money off of record sales anymore. The early record deals still only benefit the labels even if the band was huge at one time, and half of them are broke too. I don't care how popular you are, your band probably struggles.

Looking back, it seems to me that many people assumed that if a band was somewhat popular, the guys in the band had money. I don't think this was ever the case.

In Circus, RIP or one of those mags from the 80's, I remember reading an article about how Faster Pussycat was not making money. That band was never Guns and Roses by any stretch, but they had legitimate hits at the time. Top 40 stuff like "House of Pain". 

They never reached headliner status (that I am aware of), and at their height they opened for the larger bands of the day (probably Winger and Poison, I'm not sure, but that's a safe bet).

Anyway, this article said that they were paid $2500.00 a night (I think). They then had to pay the crew, the management and whatever else comes along with touring. At the end of it all, those guys, at the height of their popularity, didn't make any bank.

I don't know anyone from that band, and I didn't really care for them back then, but stuff like that struck a nerve and stuck with me. I guess I have always been a nerd, even as a pre-teen.

Fast forward to today. There is a huge talent pool out there. It's natural progression. It's safe to say that once new ground is broken, the gates open and the market is flooded with people more talented then previous generations. There are countless Ywgwie, EVH, Vai and Satriani caliper guitar players out there, and they just keep getting better. Take Animals as Leaders for example. I need a nap after listening to that band (and guy) shred. But I'll bet he's just as poor as anyone in the underground metal genre. Today, you play music because you love it and your life allows you to. It's a blessing and a curse.

When I was young, I dreamed of rock stardom and all the excess that came with it, but secretly I wanted to be rich like Bon Jovi and write songs that resonated the pants off of beautiful women. Endless touring cycles with prestige being the only payoff was never for me. I'm just not that good of a musician to have ever gotten prestige, and I'm happy to not be a part of that touring life. I would have drank myself into an early grave had I been blessed with the opportunity to tour. I'm sure whatever band I was in would have Mustaine'd me home.

All of that makes me wonder what current musicians do for health coverage, and who has their back at home to help them make ends meet. This is why I still buy albums, even if it's downloads from I-Tunes. I'm trying to support the bands I love (you're welcome Cancer Bats).

There is something great about following an underground genre. It's better for me that the world is not in tune with my tastes. The average sheep music listener can keep Maroon 5, I'll stick it out with Baroness, and everybody's happy in the end.

To the guys and girls still touring and grinding out a merger existence in the name of bringing me music, thank you. I am still a fan and still love you. Love is a great reward in itself. I am jealous that you have the brains, talent and support to do what you do. Some of us do understand. You guys rock (pun intended).

To the readers of this blog: Support bands. Support music. Buy the merch and keep the music scene alive. Let's give these guys a raise if possible. They are killing themselves to be able to do what they do.

Nago

Muddin' with Nightwish

The year was 2002. I, like millions of others, spent many days forcing Napster to give up its fruits to a unknowing thief.

I honestly didn't realize at the time the impact Napster and Kaza would have both on me and the industry. Back then, I was still anti-establishment, and I believed that artists wouldn't be hugely impacted by this guy living in a trailer in McKean, PA.

Napster did do some good for me despite it changing the way musicians and fans pay and receive. Through it, I discovered Sonata Arctica, Opeth and the mighty Nightwish.

Nightwish was an acquired taste at first, but once it clicked I was amazed by them. Tarja was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, heard or otherwise. Her voice and delivery was something to be held in the highest regard, and she changed the symphonic metal landscape forever with it.

But there was something more than just a goddess on vocals. The material was stellar. I slowly discovered that this was due to master songwriter, Tuomas Holopainen, who was single handedly laying the groundwork for the funnily degrading, but absolutely accurate, Disney Metal sub genre of the Prog Metal world.

I read the history, followed the band and bought everything I could get my hands on. Wishmaster blew my face clean off.

Not only did I fall in love with this band, I forced it on my son also. To this day, we can have conversations about Emmpu that will clear out an entire room, rolling their eyes on exit.

Riding an upswing of material and creativity, "Once" was released in 2004, and even though it was less epic, the songs were so well crafted that it showed a huge step forward for the band. I relished in every second, and Creek Mary's Blood is still one of my favorite Nightwish moments.

Then, disaster. 

Tarja's inner diva (and manager husband) turned the rest of the band against her. In an open letter on the Internet, Tarja, the defining voice of symphonic metal, was fired from the best band of the genre.

I was crushed. I was so invested in them at the time. Back then, they were easily in my top 5.

I convinced myself that Nightwish could exist without Tarja, especially since Tarja wasted no time turning her fan base off with weird cover versions of Nirvana songs and very sub-par songwriting on her solo releases. She needed Tuomas and he needed a muse.

He found his next project in the unlikely form of Anette Olsen. She had Pop sensibility, and brought new life into the camp. Unfortunately the new direction did not sit well with many of the hardcore fanbase.

I accepted and rooted for her through every second of 2007's "Dark Passion Play" LP. I drove to Cleveland with my son to finally see the band that had my admiration since 2002 and the new voice that would launch them to the next level.

That would have been a good story, but on the touring cycle of the 2nd Anette released LP "Imaginarium" the pressure proved too much. She cracked, had a meltdown, and was fired. 

Anette's voice, albeit perfect for her  LP's, held no power in the operatic portion of the catalog. When she sang Tarja songs, it was uncomfortable. She was very honest about her issues, and resented the hate that was thrown at her by hardcore Nightwish purists. The band really should have seen that coming honestly. 

Now we have the third vocalist in Floor Jansen. I have nothing against her, and she is ridiculously talented, but I think I've lost interest.

As a former rabid fan, I have been through too much Nightwish drama to care much. It seems very inconsiderate and phoney. From what I have heard, the new material is stock. No new ground here to mention. It's like Tuomas needs friction to write a masterpiece.

Maybe that's why the Tarja releases were great? Inner tention sucks, but if it breeds great art then the sum really is greater than the parts.

With Anette, Tuomas had something to prove. Dark Passion Play, and the opening track "The Poet and the Pendgelum" owned. The second LP "Imaginarium" less so, but it was a cool concept. 

I've yet to see the movie that was to be released based on the Showtime, Storytime script. Maybe it would help the LP resonate?

With Floor, the message was: "See, we still got this." First a Live LP, then, this year, a studio LP, and I just don't care. It's like Tuomas and Co are getting married, again, again.. Do I really need to swing by JcPenny's and get you another Crock Pot?

It's been 10 years. It's time for the return of one of the best bands to ever carry the Metal torch. You are all still young and your fans are still begging for it. 

Tuomas, bring back Tarja.

Tarja. It's time to go home.

In the meantime, if someone could let me know if this new LP is any good, I'd appreciate it. I'm putting Oceanborn and Wishmaster back on rotation for the short term. I've decided to stay home for the third wedding. I hope you all understand. 

Anthrax, Van Halen, Exodus, Black Sabbath and Skid Row all dragged themselves through the vocalist mud. Please don't be that band. There is still plenty of time to rule the world as one unit. Tarja's era is the best Nightwish, and Nightwish is best with Tarja. Fix it.

Nago

Kanye matters... Just ask him.

Ever wonder what Kanye looked like in High School? You know, back before he was the almighty defender of "artistry?"

Kanye,

First: you should have been pissed about Tenacious-D winning the Heavy Metal Grammy, that would have been legit and totally stage storm-able.

Second: if I were Jay Z, I'd have my driver fire up my limo and take my publicist assistant straight to your publicists office. After a lenghthy and strongly worded talk with her assistant's secretary, they would set up a time to tweet about your strange desire to defend my wife. Maybe over tennis at the club?

Seriously dude, she doesn't need your validation. If you're so concerned about artistry, you should explore other avenues than the biggest selling female recording artist of all time, douche.

For the record, no one listens to Beck. He's not even interesting enough to have won an elder statesmen status where wanna be hipsters claim they love him, yet never listen to him (like Elvis Costello or Black Flag), but you can't say he is not an artist. Beck may actually may be the only example of artistry at that entire shit show. 

Yet still, seeing you standing next to Beck on stage at the Grammys looked funny, I kinda wish you would have artistically slapped him. Then we would have something to laugh about.

And Beyoncé? Well, she has about as much relevance to artistry as Beck has to fashion. She is a vocalist and a dancer. She maintains an image and is paid well for it, but most of her art is created by others. She is a "recording artist," and at that she is gifted. She is also a mouthpiece for woman's rights, but songwriting, producing, arrangements, no.

Maybe there is an art to being a commercial diva, I'm just not sure what it is.

Let's not confuse one with the other. 

Regards,

Nago

PS: One last thing, whats a brother gotta do to get Taylor Swift to add him to that long list she's singing about? Oh wait, you wouldn't know. Never mind. Tell North I said "what's up," and if he answers "North," he's wrong, but give him a cookie for pondering geography and philosophy.

The Not Man Cometh!!!

Anthrax was a huge part of my youth. For some reason, I ventured out to see them live more than any other band in my early concert going days:

Headbangers Ball tour

     May 1st 1989 ( I was 14)

     Pittsburgh, PA

     Exodus / Helloween

Clash of the Titans tour 

     June 26 1991 

     Darien Lake, New York

     Megadeth / Slayer / Alice in Chains

Anthrax - Public Enemey

     October 2nd 1991 

     Pittsburgh, PA 

     Public Enemy / Primus / YBT

They were overall probably my favorite band behind Megadeth back then.

Dave Mustaine described the Clash tour bands as follows:

Megadeth: thinking mans metal

Slayer: slaytanic metal

Anthrax: cow diseased metal

At that time, that was accurate. They goofed off, and still shredded. "Indians" was the perfect metal song. As was the cover of Trust's "Antisocial". They had this melodic sensibility that was more Maiden than Motörhead, yet you could find them advertised on the bottom of skateboard decks, strangely linked to NY hardcore, wearing hip-hop shirts on stage, and jam shorts at photo shoots.

Anthrax was different, and I dug them for it. They didn't alienate me or my crew. We were all in. SOD was amazing, their rap mixes were game changers, they had the balls to sample Kinneson and Metallica, and the fact that they did not give 2 shits about what the "purists" thought appealed to me as a somewhat free thinker. 

From the moment I heard Armed and Dangerous till the Killer B's EP, I knew every step these guys took.

Attack of the Killer B's may actually be my favorite Anthrax moment overall. It was a joke, but it was my joke. I got it hook, line and sinker. It was perfect timing in my life. That summer, the only things I listened to were Killer B's and Skid Row's Slave to the Grind. 

Then things changed, both for me and them. In their time away, I became a father twice over. That was a little early for me, but the result has yielded nothing but good things in my life. Meanwhile, Anthrax shed their 80's sound and embraced a different direction in both approach and in John Bush's soulful vocal delivery. 

John Bush had one of elite voices in metal, and White noise is probably their best LP overall. "Only" is hands down, one of the best songs I've ever heard. Hefield said it was perfect, and I agree. 

I never saw Anthrax with Bush. The Belladonna era was my band. Not that I didn't respect them, but I was too busy screwing up a family to follow them hard core through the 90's. My taste was expanding by then, and Anthrax was off in another dimension. They seemed lost. I know I definitely was for a period of time.

Even though I was somewhat out of touch, I always kinda knew what they were up to via the metal rags, blabbermouth and Scott's constant media exposure.

Unfortunately, up until a few years ago, Anthrax was a band of constant dysfunction.

That would change at exactly the perfect time for me. With that, a new world of metalheads found themselves wanting a reality with Anthrax in it. Their comeback was not without bumps in the road, but it adds a human element in a strange sort of way. That's part of the appeal.

Yesterday, I read Scott Ian's book. I knew he wrote it. I assumed it would be ok. I figured it would include stories from his spoken word tour, which I missed, but I caught the jist of what it was about from podcasts. 

In this age, evey rocker has a book, it's pretty standard. Most of them suck. Lawyers and ghost writers take the piss out of them. There is not enough dirt. I personally find the "this is how I grew up" portions of each book to be some of the most boring shit I've ever had to endure... Just about every time I read a rock book, I'm disappointed.

Eddie trunk, of all people, convinced me to read Scott's book. Eddie tends to ramble in his new podcast, but if you can get through the first 20 minutes or so, it's pretty good. Anyway, he had Scott and Chris Jerico on talking about this book, and I pulled the trigger on it at Books-a-million in Ricmond, VA last Friday.

As usual, Scott Ian's book was different. It was great. I found myself laughing out loud on several occasions. I read his book in less than 24 hours, and that included a good nights sleep and an afternoon nap.

It answers almost every question I have had for years about his Band(s), and I found myself thinking that we could hang out. I don't think that about many rock stars. Call me arrogant, but rock stars don't do much for me. I don't get star struck, and the idea of kissing someone's ass just because they expect it doesn't appeal to me at all. I shared a Cigarette moment with John Baizley outside of Mr Smalls, and that was cool. I even had dinner a few seats down from Mikael Akerfeldt, pre-show at a bar in Millvale, PA, and opted to let him eat rather than bug the crap out of him. If I was ever to get all fanboy, those would have been the moments.

Digressing is my thing... Moving on.

The book was great, and I strongly recommend it for anyone who was ever even remotely into Scott's lengthy career. 

The only thing that is blatantly missing is any mention of Anthrax's short lived singer, Dan Nelson. Like zero mention at all. How that all went down, I'll never know, but he must have severely pissed off Scott who had no issue talking about all his issues with EVERYONE except Mr. Nelson.

I guess Scott had made the concious decision to end Dan's 15 minutes of fame permanently. It's no secret that Dan was the vocalist on the first draft of Worship Music (Anthrax's comeback LP), and somehow there was a falling out and he was either fired or released, who the hell knows, but Fuck that guy anyway. He was a bridge to get Belladonna back, so I'm great with his short lived tenure. I will say that his vocals on the cover of Refused "New Noise" probably made sense, lord knows Belladonna had no business touching that tune. 

But hey, Joey is great and needs no validation from anyone. He is the voice that I want fronting Anthrax. I don't even care that he calls the crowd "fuckers," (which is a pet peeve of mine) coming from Joey, it's like an old friend calling me a fucker (which I still wouldn't like). 

Note to frontmen: not everyone in the audience is a "fucker" and some of us aren't even "mother fuckers." A few of us are actually intelligent people that don't like the insult. We just like your tunes. Shut up and play them, mutherfucker.

I did see them again with Belladonna 2 years ago. They were just as great as ever. They were the band I remember. I bought Worship Music, and I think "I'm Alive" is a high point for the band regardless of the era. 

Scott, you have an Anthrax fan in me. I will buy what you release, even if it sucks. NOT. Make it great. Please and thank you.

The book was worth the money. Read it.

Nago

Sleepless in Tatooine

I'll admit it. I like Star Wars. I was the right age when it came out to have it be ingrained in my DNA. 

I was Luke Skywalker for Halloween when I was in 1st grade. It was a plastic mask stapled to a very flimsy rubber band and an orange plastic X-wing jump suit. I thought it was the coolest thing ever.

I had some action figures. I beat the hell out of them. In my defense, most of the battles they engaged in probably had an imaginative plot that oversaw the destruction of the evil planet of giant Barbies. You'd be surprised if you understood how little remorse Chewbaca had reeking havoc on the fragile limbs of my Sisters beloved Skipper. 

My friends and I snuck beer into the re-release of "A New Hope," and George Lucas emassed a portion of his fortune selling me re-mastered versions of his originals on both VHS and DVD. I also committed to the first 3 books released shortly after George licensed the rights, which subsequently was my first realization that a sub-culture of educated SW geeks existed, and was kinda cool. I actually bonded with a girl I hated over Star Wars.  

It should also be mentioned that every time I see the movie, I can't help but wonder how many innocent contractors died when the Death Star blew up (thanks Kevin Smith).

Like millions of others, I suffered through Episodes I through III, and I still find myself getting really pissed about the blatant disrespect and contradictions George tried to shove down the necks of a nerd culture he helped create. You don't mess with Star Wars, even if you did invent it.

On my birthday, I received a Wookie mug from my Neice. I secretly want to use it tomorrow morning for my coffee. I think I will.

Tonight, I introduced a toddler to the the original Star Wars, and as we were watching it, I came to the realization that it was kind of stupid. But I love it anyway. As a species, we tend to really love very stupid things, right? So I choose to continue to love Star Wars.

I'm cool with Disney taking over and franchising it. I like the idea of Mark Hamil getting to work again, and I am overly proud of Kerry Fisher for losing the weight to reprise her defining role. 

It's strange to care so much about such a silly thing. 

I'm going back to bed. Goodnight.

Nago.

A.D.H.D. and the Beatles. Pt IV

I've been thinking quite a bit about the fab 4 lately. Partially due to a hard earned category on Song Pop, partially because Paul is out doing press right now (and he was at the Super Bowl, the camera took the opportunity to show it) and partially because John poped up in my other blog last week.

Oh yeah, the SNL punchline "the Beatles ruined Yoko" had me lauging, and surprisingly enough, the news that Sam Smith is paying royalties to both Tom Petty and Jeff Lynn, who the latter was the only producer to work with the Beatles besides George Martin, also had me thinking about them.

I was in a class two weekends ago and the dude sitting next to me was geeking out to the Beatles, over my shoulder, as I was playing song pop. 

The Beatles are so cyclical in my life, especially when I have a ton of stuff going on. I guess it's supposed to be that way.

This is a real nowhere blog.

Cheerio.

Nago