Come Together. Right Now. Ovaltine.

 

I almost feel bad bringing up a Christmas reference on January 9th, but if it wasn't for Ralphie and his Orphan Annie decoder ring, I probably wouldn't remember the name of the malted milk powder my grandmother thought all kids should love.

 

Drink More Ovaltine? That's right, Ralphie got screwed by the man when he thought he was doing something special. A classic moment in a classic movie. Unfortunately for those of us who have actually had the misfortune of consuming the wretched brew, it's a taste you never quite forget. I reiterate: "malted milk powder."

 

Uh huh, dissolve a Whooper candy (the stuff that you avoid on Halloween) into a glass of milk and you're on the path to enlightenment.

 

At this stage you may be wondering why I bring it up? I'll come back to that.

Today, at a gas station close to Lake Norman NC, I filled up the Terrain with petrol, and headed inside to fill up the Yeti with Columbian Blend. I had two dollars in my wallet, and assumed one would suffice for a coffee refill.

 

I was sad when the lady behind the counter, who I watched wipe her runny nose on her hand immediately after coughing into her arm, told me it was $1.24. I was prepared to "Leave a Penny" by just handing her a dollar and allowing the 4 cent difference float, but $0.76? Thats a whole other ball game.

 

I did not hand her the two dollar bills, I laid them on the counter and took a step back from the seemingly unconcerned coffee peddler. My mind was racing: "why in the actual phuck didnt you stay home, lady." For some reason, in my mind, if you are a woman who has offended me, I'm default calling you "lady." I digress.

 

She reaches her snot hand into the drawer, pulls out some quarters and a penny, and lays it in my hand. I froze. "Shite, why did I take the change?" It was too late to turn back. I couldn't give it back. WHAT DO I DO??????

 

To the innocent who believed they found gold (to the tune of three quarters) in the courtesy penny bin at the Sunoco in Cornelius, NC, I sincerely apologize for your head cold. The act of throwing all of the change into the bin seems rash in hindsight. I mean, it was already in my hand, I should have just kept it, but I was not thinking rationally. My bad.

 

To the lady who came to work with an obvious nasty cold, I hope you are forced to drink malted milk product in the lesser known 5th round of Dante's treacherous ninth ring of hades, Ovaltineum.

Of course this story is in jest, I'd never wish Ovaltine on anyone. Being sick is not her fault, nor are the shite benefits not allowing her to stay home. Lighten up.

Word.

 

Nago