Before you get too defensive about your favorite band on this list, keep in mind that I have also played out a time or two, and I too have been guilty of sucketry (new word) once or twice in my own right...
I have also been to a few professional touring concerts and club shows (no idea on the count, it's in the hundreds easily). I used to tip back more than my share, so for a long time my opinion was somewhat flawed. Every concert rocks when you are into the band and LOADED, and every show sucks when you hate the band.
For this blog, I have decided to focus on the legendary suckyness.
Motley Crue
That's right... They suck live.
Hey Vince Neil, you bloated fat bastard. Did you ever sing every word or have you always just sucked your way through every show mumbling every other syllable? You should be as concerned with your vocals as you are with your costume changes... Did you think people didn't notice? You suck....seriously.
whil....young.......unnin-fee.......better....to be.........ive ire......
Led Zeppelin:
Zep is easily one of the most legendary and beloved rock bands to ever grace the face of the earth. Their early shows are the stuff of legend. They were the best live band of the early 70's, mediocre after 1976, and had 2 of the worst reunion shows ever.
In Led Zeppelin's defense, they really never did reunite for more than a rehersal or two at a time after Bonzo's death in 1980. There are 2 occasions I wish never happened (or at least never should have been recorded and preserved).
Roberts voice has been shot for a long time. He can't sing the Zep material and he knows it. Seriously, he says that he wants to preserve the Zep legacy, and it isn't the same without Bonham....Blah Blah Blah... The real reason why Zep won't reunite? Plant can't sing the highs anymore.....period.
The examples below may not be enough for you to pass this kind of judgement, but for me, it absolutely is. If your favorite band only got to play twice when you were growing up, and both performances were this poor, you would be biased also.
- Live Aid 1985:
- Robert Plant was an 80's wanna be rock star at this point. The show never should have happened. The instructions for bands to perform at Live Aid were simple and few (two to be exact) #1. 20 minute limit. #2. No sound check. This did not work for Zep...It was bad....real bad.
2. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony 1992
- Real bad..... Oh so bad. At least they brought in Jason Bonham for this one to help with the legacy. This was still pretty damn bad....
I was impressed with the 2007 Amhet Ertegun tribute show. I thought they did the material justice for the first time since 1976. They did not try to hide Robert Plant's weakness, and they did not push him to try to recreate something he physically can't do. They proved that they could do a tasteful reunion, but alas, it was too little too late, and that sucks.
John Lennon
I love the Beatles. They are my favorite band and being that I was 6 when John Lennon was shot, it took me years to discover how bad John's solo shows were (thanks youtube). I could have lived my life not knowing and I would have been OK with that. I love you John, and I am sorry for calling you out.... But under practiced is an understatement.
John did not play as a solo artist very much, but when he did he would do the mother of all turkey flops.
Case in point, 1972's Live in New York: From John screwing up the lyrics on Come Together to Yoko reading Hitler quotes on state, it was weird and it sucked.
It needs to be said that the official video for Instant Karma was also filmed at this show, and it did not suck. Unfortunately it is a diamond in the rough.
Guns and Roses:
Do I really need to get into this? I could do a top ten on why Guns suck live. Let me sum it up in a top one... Axl Rose.
Axl, you are an egomaniac. You manic depressed piece of arrogant bim. You are an asshole. You don't care about your legacy or your fans and you don't deserve the fame cast upon you.
I will not post video clips of late arrivals, throwing people out of shows, stopping songs, inciting riots, Slash bashing, onstage dissing, people throwing drinks at you, etc.... Nope, I save this clip for your screechy, nasally and horrible voice. I hate you and you suck...
Even his hair sucks.
Elvis:
I was not going to go there, but when you are so bad that your shit performance is legendary, well, I have to give you an honorable mention.
This concert was filmed in June1977 for CBS. It was aired in October (two months after his death) which fueled many rumors and gave material to gossiping busy bodies for years to come. Pretty sad conclusion.
It is rumored that Elvis did this flub on purpose. It was, in fact, not the first time he butchered this song although it became the most famous time. Elvis had a habit of comedically changing the spoken word portion of this tune, unfortunately his intentions and his mental state at this filming will never truly be known.
It is also said that Elvis was not a heavy drinker, and if he was high it was probably due to pills. Will pills do this to you? IDK. Regardless, either the mighty hath fallen at this point, or someone was too afraid to tell him that his banter sucked.
Jefferson Starship (Jefferson Airplane, Starship)
Oh, Grace Slick. You drunken slutty hippy. You made my day when I saw this video. I guess I caught it on VH1's Behind the Music a number of years back. It stuck with me.
I am not a huge fan of any three of the incarnations of this San Fransisco band from the Hippie era. I understand the impact, I actually respect the reinventions, but I don't like the music. I just don't.
- Jefferson Airplane is the first. They had some hits (Somebody to Love, White Rabbit and Volunteers of America), and they were good I guess, just not my thing.
- Jefferson Starship: If I had to pick one of the three this one would be it. If Only You Believe is cool in a '70's way. Jane is a little too Rock Radio for me (and I like Aldo Nova's Fantasy better), but it has a vibe as well.
- Starship: HAhahahahahahahahahahah. Garbage and Rubbish all wrapped up into one, Gubbish?
The sucky incedent is from the Jefferson Starship version of the band. A drunken Grace Slick embarrassing herself, her band and her country all at once. Grace is an alcoholic, and I sympathy with that. Lucky for me I am not famous and have not had my drunken nights recorded for German television. That would have sucked, but still not as bad as Grace's mess up.
Unfortunately, the video of the concert is nowhere to be found. I know it exists, as I have seen it. Grace Slick drunkenly taunted the German audience that paid to see her perform with Heil Hitler salutes while chanting "Whhhho won the war? Who won the war?". She groped people on stage, stuck her finger up an audience members nose and slurred her way through the set. It is pretty well documented and I found a very good blog on the subject:
If I had to guess, I would say that her blatant hatred for Germans violates some rules of YouTube or something. Too bad 'cause it sucks and it is worth seeing.
Metallica:
WHAT??? There are millions who think that Metallica is the best live band they have ever seen. I have seen Metallica and I agree, their show is typically great. Please read on.
This blog is not about off time drumming or shitty Metalli-mixes (a trick they used to pull to play like 5 old songs in 8 minutes). Nope, this is about one concert and one concert alone: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary.
I watched both nights on TV. I sat through Crosby Stills and Nash for christ sake. I just wanted to see Metallica perform as a back up band, and man did it suck.
It sucked so bad that I laughed out loud. I couldn't believe that James actually thought that their performance with Ray Davies was good enough for him to join in on vocals (which was pathetic) OR that their performance with Lou Reed was good enough to do an entire LP of bad material with the man. Dude, it sucked.
All day, and all of the night-time?
Zakk Wylde (Ozzy, Black Label Society)
Zakk... I am not trying to pick on you.
Zakk is carrying the torch for the old school of Heavy Metal. Zakk is an amazing Guitar player. I even like his eerily similar to Ozzy vocals. I think he can write, I know he can play, he is not afraid of ballads, he is hilarious, he gives props to a horribly neglected Jake E Lee, and he is still pretty well respected in the Metal community.
Zakk.... Please stop with the squeaking. We all know you can do artificial pinch harmonics (even if you don't know what they are you know that Zakk does them).We get it. Dude, it's annoying. It takes away from everything, the song, your playing, your soloing.....everything.
I take it back Zakk still rocks even with the screeching (sike).
There you have it... 8 Bands or Artists. I know what you are thinking, why not 10? Well my son asked me to leave off Rush, and I won't bash Kiss, so you get eight. This is probably just a part 1, as there are many other sucky acts. I try to stay focused in familiar territory , like Metal and Rock. If you want to talk about crappy live pop acts, well we could go on for days. Most of them use pre-recorded tracks anyway, and it is more about the show and dancing than the vocal or musical performances.
For the record, I bash because I love.....music (and being a Nerd).
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