Dude, she is a little young for you.

I am a student of Rock History, and every now and then I come across a story of some Rocker that hooked up with some teenage strange. Some even went as far as taking custody or marrying the object of their affections despite their age. Today, we would call that illegal. Today we would register them as sex offenders. Today, similar actions would be huge scandals, and we all would hang on every breaking detail via the 24 hour media..

I knew a girl in the 8th grade who dated a local rock band guy in his early 20's. It was kind of creepy then, and that was 1988. In her defense she was smoking hot for her age (just kidding....jeesh).

There are several stories, and I am sure I will miss some of them, but it seems like the idea used to be a little less taboo or something. It is almost celebrated in some cases. I have a feeling this blog will be fun to write. Especially if I start with a fictional tale........

TONIGHT I AM THE HOST OF:

BIG UPS TO MY NEW PHOTOSHOP PROGRAM - WHAT WHAT!!!

 

 

At the Aerosmith show in BFE Texas, during an intense rendering of Rag Doll, Steven Tyler spots a lipstick-n-leather teenage queenie seated front row center. A few winks and shit vocal squeals later, Steven signals his bodyguard to corral this young lass and bring her backstage (so she can drink from his glass).

Unbeknownst to Steven, the Girl is actually an undercover agent working with Dateline NBC. 

The trap is set. Our agent is brought backstage while the band finishes butchering their encore. Meanwhile, I am crouched behind the vegan deli tray with a hidden camera nestled between the broccoli and shitake mushrooms, when in walks Steven, looking for his prey.

I jump at the opportunity.

MN: Mr Tyler, I would like to ask you a few questions, will you sit down please?
ST: I don't wanna miss a thing.
MN: Good. Did you sing "Hot Tramp, Daddy's little cutie, you're so fine"? to a young fan tonight?
ST: You can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died
MN: Really? So when you were bent over the stage, directly in front of her "singin' "hey diddle diddle"with your kitty in the middle of the swing like you just don't care", you weren't insinuating something about her hush?
ST: I was saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight...
MN: Sure Mr Tyler. How do you think her parents would feel about this behavior?
ST: Her Daddy said I took it just a little too far.
MN: How would you feel if this was your daughter?
ST: Daddy's little cutie?
MN: Yes Steven, Daddy's little cutie... Have you ever heard of To Catch a Predator? We are filming this.

As I point out the hidden camera, Steven yells "Kiss your Sassafras" and he gallops out the backstage door, only to be tackled by local police waiting for him.

Get the idea?

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Chuck Berry:

Little Queenie

I got lumps in my throat when I saw her comin down the aisle

I got the wiggles in my knees when she looked at me and sweetly smiled

Well there she is again standin over by the record machine

Well she looks like a model on the cover of a magazine

But she's too cute to be a minute over seventeen

Of all the Charlie Berrys in the world, you're the Charlie Berriest. You blockhead.

The following was taken from the History Channel website:
On December 23, 1959, Chuck Berry is arrested in St. Louis, Missouri, on charges relating to his transportation of a 14-year-old girl across state lines for allegedly "immoral purposes."

He was convicted on March 11, 1960, and sentenced to five years' imprisonment and a $5,000 fine.

Although he would have his conviction vacated and a new trial ordered by a Federal Appeals Court in October 1960 due to disparaging racial comments made by the judge in his original trial, Berry would be convicted again on retrial in March 1961 and serve the better part of the next two years in prison.

• Pretty damning stuff. Did Chuck get a fair trial? I don't know. Did Chucky like the young girlies? Well...

From the St Louis Post-Dispatch on Dec 27 1989:

A suit accuses rock 'n' roll pioneer Chuck Berry of videotaping women as they used the women's room at his Southern Air Restaurant in Wentzville.

Hosana A. Huck of Wentzville, once a cook at the Southern Air, filed the suit Tuesday in St. Charles County Circuit Court.

The suit alleges that the videotapes ''were created for the improper purpose of the entertainment and gratification''.

Whatever gets you through the night, Chuck.

It wasn't real bad until they realized that some of the girls were....................guess....................that's right..................underage. He never was convicted for this crime. The police raided his restaurant and seized dope, money and bathroom tapes. Chuck duck walked his way out of doing hard time by pleading to a lesser charge of Marijuana possession. He was convicted and sentenced to 6 months probation and ordered to donate $5000.00 to a local hospital. He sold the restaurant shortly after and has stayed out of trouble since.

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Sweet Child of Mine - G-n-R

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Jerry Lee Lewis
High School Hop

You better open up honey its your lover boy me that's a knockin'

You better listen to me sugar all the cats are at the High School rockin'

Honey get your boppin' shoes Before the juke box blows a fuse

Got everybody hoppin' everybody boppin'

Boppin' at the High School Hop

Boppin' at the High School Hop

Shakin' at the High School Hop

I've rollin' at the High School Hop

I've been movin' at the High School Hop


I know you have heard this story right? His third wife was 13!!!! He was 22.

Did you catch it that time? 13. Oh yeah, she was his cousin. HIS 13 YEAR OLD COUSIN. Lewis did not walk away unscathed. He lost everything, everything but his god given talent. He made a comeback in the mid 60's, but never recaptured his big time fame of the 1950's.

Oh, but the train wreck doesn't start or stop there. Not even close.

The following is taken from the Jerry Lee Lewis WIKI Page:

Lewis has been married six times. His first marriage, to Dorothy Barton, lasted for 20 months, from February 1952 to October 1953 (although there is a possibility that Lewis may have married Barton earlier than 1952). In a 1978 People magazine interview Lewis stated "I was 14 when I first got married. My wife was too old for me; she was 17." His second marriage, to Jane Mitchum, was of dubious validity because it occurred 23 days before his divorce from Barton was final. They were married for four years, from September 1953 to October 1957, and had two children. He then married Myra Gale Brown in December 1957. The couple went through a second marriage ceremony because his divorce from Jane Mitchum was not complete before the first ceremony took place. Lewis and Myra had two children and were divorced in December 1970 after 13 years of marriage. Lewis's fourth marriage was to Jaren Elizabeth Gunn Pate, and ended when she drowned in the swimming pool at their home. They were married for 12 years, from October 1971 to August 1983. His fifth wife was Shawn Stephens. This marriage ended with her death from a methadone overdose. They were married for three months, from June to August 1984. His sixth marriage was to Kerrie McCarver, with whom he had one child. This marriage lasted 20 years and ended in divorce in 2004.

What else? Oh yeah..... Dennis Quaid is creepy in the poorly written: Great Balls of Fire.

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Elvis Presley
Teddy Bear

Baby let me be,

Your lovin teddy bear

Put a chain around my neck,

And lead me anywhere

Oh let me be

Your teddy bear.

  

He just couldn't keep Priscilla Beaulieu out of his mind, could he? They met when he was 24 and stationed in Germany during his two year enlistment in the US Army. She was 14...

They became close and spent a lot of "time" together. They actually dated for 7-1/2 years before finally making it official with wedding bells.

Elvis knew that his interest in Priscilla would raise a few eyebrows, but he was able to put good boy spin on his image by "proudly serving his country". The King and his manager, Colonial Tom Parker did some fancy PR to keep his image squeaky clean.

Just so we understand what we are talking about here. Let's say that today, one of the biggest Pop Stars in the world is dating a 14 year old.

• Would it be OK if Katy Perry was teenage dreaming about a 14 YO boy?
• Would it be cool if Lil Wayne's new shawrty was a 14 YO?
• Would no one question Clay Aiken if he couldn't take his eyes off of a14 YO play date?

Truth: we would skewer any of them, and have them flogged. Rightfully so I might add. Little Priscilla should have been passing notes in the hall, not dating the King.

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Into the Night - Benny Mardones

She's just 16 years old, leave her alone, they say....

Wait, what did he say?

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Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin, Yardbirds)

Hey, Hey What can I do? 

I got a woman, wanna bawl all day

I got a woman, she won't be true, no

I got a woman, stay drunk all the time

I said I got a little woman and she won't be true

Lori Maddox was 14 in 1972 when she began her affair with Jimmy Page. Jimmy was 28 (twice her age).

This story is well documented, but it is still creepy. Lori is rumored to have lost her virginity to David and Angie Bowie the year before her hook-up with Jimmy. Both of these stories have helped excel Lori to a legendary groupie, which is something that I can't believe is respected outside the "groupie" circle.

Regardless, there are infamous stories about how she courted, screwed and was eventually dumped by Mr Page. I would tell the whole story but that path has been walked and well trodden. Just check the link for a pretty well written blog on their relationship, or just read Hammer of the Gods, which is required reading in my School of Rock:

http://seastwood.com/backup310/gtosgroupmaddox.htm 

I remember hearing that Jimmy actually took custody of Lori at one point. I now know that was bad info, as that little piece of creepy history actually belongs to the next 2 pervs in my blog, The Nuge and Steven Tyler.....

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Ted Nugent

Wang Dang Sweet Poontang

That Nadine, what a teenage queen

She come to town; she be foolin' around

She lookin' so clean, especi'lly down in between; what I like

First of all I would like to thank Ted for making the punchline so easy. He hunts underage beaver.

Secondly, when a 29+ year old man falls for an underage 17 year old teenager, what else should he do besides take custody of her? That is what happened in 1978, and you just can't make this stuff up. Pele Massa was too young to marry Sweaty Uncle Teddy , so he became her legal guardian instead. Smooshing with a child in your care, that's the righteous thing to do... NOT. She must have had some rocking birth parents. Maybe he bought them a Maserati.....Maserati

The following is a fictional conversation at Pele's High School reunion:

Manuel: Hey Pele, good to see you.

Pele: OMG! Good to see you too Manuel. It has been years! What have you been up to since School?

Manuel: The usual, work, kids, bills, and the house payment. I went to College and got a degree in finance, so that is working out well. And how have you been?

Pele: Really good. I am working at I-Hop.

Manuel: Hey, remember that time you dumped me for Ted Nugent and he took custody of you and you left to be with him?

Pele: Yeah, I remember.

Manuel: I've always wondered, had you broken up, would Ted have to pay spousal support or child support?

Pele: Asshole.

It probably not really Pele's fault, as Ted had a rep for liking the young ladies back in the day. Courtney Love claims to have given Ted some Clinton/Monica lovin when she was 12. That type of behavior doesn't sound very conservative to me...... I will leave it at that.

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Young Girl - Gary Pucket and the Union Gap

My love for this song is way out of line.

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Steven Tyler (Aerosmith)

Young Lust

You better keep your daughter inside

or she's gonna get a dose of my pride

yeah, everybody talks about it

once you had it you can never go back

don't you ever let 'em give you no slack

when you're streakin' down the alley way

  

This one ends badly (go figure). Again a rock star takes custody of a minor. This time it was a 27 Year old Steven Tyler and his then 16 year old GF Julia Holcomb.

According to Julia, she was coming from a broken home, and her friend turned her onto hanging out backstage at concerts. Yadda Yadda Yadda, she met Steven, did the do, moved in with him, became his ward and lived with him for 3 years.

Now when Steven took Julia as his"ward", it put her on a very slippery slope. She was now 16 and the legal ward of Steven Tyler. What was she supposed to do? She did everything she could to make a go of it, but Marriage was not in the cards and the relationship dissolved after an apartment fire which hospitalized her, somehow led to the abortion or their child. This was at a time of heavy drug use by the Aerosmith camp. Steven claims it was a low point in his life that sent him spiraling downward further. Not too low though, because at the time, Steven was already involved with Bebe Buel, the mother of his daughter, Liv.

Julia has recently come out as an Anti-Abortionist, due to her experience with Steven. Below is a link to the Lifesitenews article in which Julia tells her story:

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/the-light-of-the-world-the-steve-tyler-and-julia-holcomb-story

I feel like I need a shower after that, but it gets worse. Ladies and Gentlemen: The scum of the earth: Bill Wyman...

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Bill Wyman (Rolling Stones)

Seventeen

It's just an image

She's not the girl that she used to be

It's just an image

She made a break with reality

17, Movie Queen, Silver Screen,

now she's a has been

Mandy Smith has admitted to dating Bill Wyman when she was only 13! He was 47.

Dude, he was 47... She was 13. There is nothing funny about that at all. That dude should still be in Jail. In his defense, he waited to start a physical relationship until she was 14 (aww... thanks Bill,   you nasty dickweed). This all started in 1983.

They eventually got married (how fricken nice of him) in 1989 and divorced in 1991. Does that mean that he saved face or something? I don't even think so.

She went on to have a few UK hits and some modeling career of some sort, and now, she has found faith and says publicly that age of consent should be 18.... Wow.

Bill Wyman says that the affair was his "emotional mid-life crisis". What a scumbag.

I really don't want to write another word about this, but there are sources that have swam in that pool and written extensively. I found a fellow blogger that gave Mandy's autobiography a nice write-up, and dives into her story further.

http://andiepants.blogspot.com/2011/10/some-underage-girls-i-just-finished.html

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This started out light hearted and ended pretty bad. I really had not heard the Bill Wyman thing until I started researching this blog. Blah.....

Honorable mention as follows:

• The girl who claimed to be preggers with Justin  Beiber's baby.

I am sure I am missing several clowns. Feel free to post.

Peace out.... White and Nerdy.....