Dude, she is a little young for you.

I am a student of Rock History, and every now and then I come across a story of some Rocker that hooked up with some teenage strange. Some even went as far as taking custody or marrying the object of their affections despite their age. Today, we would call that illegal. Today we would register them as sex offenders. Today, similar actions would be huge scandals, and we all would hang on every breaking detail via the 24 hour media..

I knew a girl in the 8th grade who dated a local rock band guy in his early 20's. It was kind of creepy then, and that was 1988. In her defense she was smoking hot for her age (just kidding....jeesh).

There are several stories, and I am sure I will miss some of them, but it seems like the idea used to be a little less taboo or something. It is almost celebrated in some cases. I have a feeling this blog will be fun to write. Especially if I start with a fictional tale........

TONIGHT I AM THE HOST OF:

BIG UPS TO MY NEW PHOTOSHOP PROGRAM - WHAT WHAT!!!

 

 

At the Aerosmith show in BFE Texas, during an intense rendering of Rag Doll, Steven Tyler spots a lipstick-n-leather teenage queenie seated front row center. A few winks and shit vocal squeals later, Steven signals his bodyguard to corral this young lass and bring her backstage (so she can drink from his glass).

Unbeknownst to Steven, the Girl is actually an undercover agent working with Dateline NBC. 

The trap is set. Our agent is brought backstage while the band finishes butchering their encore. Meanwhile, I am crouched behind the vegan deli tray with a hidden camera nestled between the broccoli and shitake mushrooms, when in walks Steven, looking for his prey.

I jump at the opportunity.

MN: Mr Tyler, I would like to ask you a few questions, will you sit down please?
ST: I don't wanna miss a thing.
MN: Good. Did you sing "Hot Tramp, Daddy's little cutie, you're so fine"? to a young fan tonight?
ST: You can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died
MN: Really? So when you were bent over the stage, directly in front of her "singin' "hey diddle diddle"with your kitty in the middle of the swing like you just don't care", you weren't insinuating something about her hush?
ST: I was saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight...
MN: Sure Mr Tyler. How do you think her parents would feel about this behavior?
ST: Her Daddy said I took it just a little too far.
MN: How would you feel if this was your daughter?
ST: Daddy's little cutie?
MN: Yes Steven, Daddy's little cutie... Have you ever heard of To Catch a Predator? We are filming this.

As I point out the hidden camera, Steven yells "Kiss your Sassafras" and he gallops out the backstage door, only to be tackled by local police waiting for him.

Get the idea?

A child with children & a flannel wardrobe.

I lived through the 90's and I remember it well. My hair was long, like all one length riding below my shoulders long. I rocked some army green cargo shorts. My glasses were uncomfortably big and I probably thought YOU were kinda stupid. Here's why:

• Kim Deal screwed your girlfriend?
• You thought Mark Pickerel was "deep"?
• You had bass tablature for Dishwalla songs?
• Reality Bites changed your life?
• You wore a sleeveless flannel in the summer?
• You understood the lyrics to Jeremy?
• You got pregnant at Lilith Fair?
• You quit community college to follow Phish?

Yeah, you like to look back with rose colored glasses, but you can't hide from the truth!!!

Herman's folly = Uli's FAIL ( Scorpions )

I am floored and stripping myself of my rock cred. I am punching myself all Fight Club style, and breaking the first rule of Fight Club. I am not a true metal dude and not cool at all. I'd cut but it's weird.

Why the high drama?

Selling Erie by the Pound (Genesis)

In Erie PA, being 11 through 15 in the late 80's was an experience I fondly look back on. As a hoodlum, each season brought it's own opportunities for fun. Below are some brief examples: 

Mom&Dad were rolling on the couch '74 (Early Kiss)

02/03/2012

My wife's favorite band (not)....Kiss... I am talking early though, so put away Destroyer, shelve Love Gun, and stop writing a screen play for Music from the Elder. This is Pete with not quite right yet make-up. This is 1974.